oh, what love!

You have called me beautiful

when I looked with disgust at myself.

You gently shook me

until the chains fell one by one.

Your light burst forth

as darkness overcame me.

Your truth kissed the wounds

where the lies cut deep.

When I said "worthless,"

You called me Your own.

When I fell faint,

You fought for me.

When I felt abandoned,

You said you have never forgotten me.

When I covered my face in shame,

You said, "Look to me, Beloved."

Death has lost his hold on me as I cling to my First Love.

What other love is as good, as true as this?

It cannot be contained.

All for Jesus.

they say ignorance is bliss.

I must agree.

My foundations are being rocked and shaken. I'm frustrated, confused, and really excited. Though I don't understand or even agree with everything I've been trying to absorb from the speaker, Olu, and even other students, I do understand that it's important to take time to think about these things (I won't go into detail about what kinds of things right now, as I'm still processing them).

I'm frustrated because I feel as though I'm a "bad Christian" for having doubts. I have been raised in a society where you believe what you believe simply because you do... if that makes sense. This is the first time I've been told it's okay to doubt my faith and some aspects that come along with it. I have had the mindset my whole life that doubting is simply a "lack of faith". I'm starting to realize that doubting or questioning something is critical to strengthening my faith. Absolutely critical. If I were to take everything I have been fed my whole life without asking "Why?", I could consider myself nothing more than a Christian robot. For those reading this, I want to challenge you to ask yourself why you believe what you do. Whether you believe that God is all powerful and all good; whether you believe God is simply an idea; or whether you believe there is no god. Just ask yourself WHY you believe it.

My confusion comes from the fact that I have been asked questions about my faith, God's character, and life in general that I never would have thought to ask myself. That being said, I also don't know the answers. I'm still digesting everything.

But all of this is so exciting. Even through the irritation of being so challenged, I am thrilled to know that this is God working in my heart; refining, strengthening, and loving me. One thing I do know for sure is that God is good. He is so good.

All for Jesus.

I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining.

I believe in love even when I am alone.

I believe in God even when He is silent.

"I am the Lord of the Dance," said he.

Everything is so new! The culture, not so much... I have found Port Credit is kind of like Comstock Park and Cadillac's lovechild; somewhat quaint with an abundance of boutiques, with a very personal feel.

Yesterday we went to a small church with a congregation of no more than one hundred, 70% at the least being over 60 years of age. Aaaaaadorable! So, so precious. How many times have you been greeted at the door of a church with a hug and gummy bear? The worship was very simple, but extremely genuine. Everyone seemed to love and know each other so well. The people there were so excited for our YWAM group and really encouraging.

Oh, and we rode a train to church...

Today was the first day of class, but it was more of an orientation type thing. We talked about the heart of our DTS and how I.net started. Then we had cheesy team bonding time games. It's so weird because I feel like I've known these people my entire life, but we haven't even scratched the surface yet. It's hard to explain, but I am already feeling challenged. Not necessarily in my relationship with God and others, but with myself. Because there are people from all different types of cultures, they want to know about mine too. Today Wouter, from the Netherlands, asked me if I enjoyed living in America. This may seem like an easy question to answer but it really took a lot of thought. So I guess what I'm saying is that I have been having to just think more. I'm loving it!

Tonight Pearl, from the UK, and I had dinner duty, but everyone we were supposed to cook for was gone so we went out to eat. But who would have thought you had to be at least 21 to eat almost ANYWHERE on the main street?? It was so ridiculous. Our options were limited to pizza and Quiznos. But theeen we found Ten. It looked promising, but a bit pricey. We decided to "give it a go" and upon entering Pearl asked "Do you have to be like 25 to eat here? We're just starving!" The host laughed and brought us to a table. But... it was dark. Literally lit by candlelight and extremely dim globe lightbulbs. We couldn't really pronounce anything on the menu so we both decided to get the same kind of pizza. Then we couldn't resist the "One of Everything" dessert platter. It beats beef stir fry, which is what everyone had back at the apartments.

Also, the mystery of the missing room 309 key has been solved. It was in my purse for the past two days. Sorry, Sue.

All for Jesus.

Dance then, wherever you may be
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!
And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be
And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He

I'M HERE.

Finally here. My room mates are adorable and I already love my leaders. Now we're making cookies and quiche, because we have too many eggs.

I brought too many things. Oops.

All for Jesus.

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.

Romans 14:1

C eh N eh D eh?

Hi friends!

Today is my last day in the country, but that doesn't mean we can't keep in touch.

Mailing address:
YWAM i.net
Emma Modzeleski
1880 Lakeshore Rd. W
Mississauga, ON
L5J 1J7 Canada

emodzeleski@gmail.com
616-295-6278

I'll still have my phone, but no texties.

P.S. Why didn't anyone warn me how hard goodbyes are? I'm gonna need prayer, friends.

All for Jesus.

i love my family.

This weekend Crossroads stuck me in the "Prayer Pit" and prayed for me at every service.
I just wanted to say how much I love those people and how much I'll miss that community while I'm gone. I'm feeling ten times more excited and encouraged now.

The message kinda slapped me in the face (in the best way possible. like, the Jesus way...) and I could've sat through it ten more times. Greg spoke on surrendering our WHOLE lives to the Lord. Really though, if I'm not living for the kingdom's cause, what else is there to live for? What else?? He brought up the point that, once we deny God, is there even anything else to go on living for?

So here I am. Scared and feeling extremely vulnerable, but so ready to give everything I have to my Savior. Simply because He loves me.

All for Jesus.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
"Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?"
"Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?"
For from him and through him and to him are all things.

To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 11:32-12:2

this post is for chelspea rae.

Because she made my blog her homepage.

I love you, and I will miss all of your cat posts on my facebook wall.

p.s. one week from tomorrow and i'm gone!

almost!

Eleven days until I'm outta the country!

My open house was on the 28th and was pretty overwhelming... but in a good way. My eyes were opened to how good and faithful God is when he says he'll provide. There are so many good people in this world. I forget that too much. Thank you to everyone who came. It truly meant so much. I kept tearing up while reading the cards.

I have reached the half-way mark of my financial needs. God has been so faithful in providing. If you can support me financially, you can email me at emodzeleski@gmail.com.


All for Jesus.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."
Isaiah 61:1-3