late notice, but COME.

Come to this human trafficking awareness outreach. I'll be there.

CLICK HERE for more information!

What else are you gonna be doing?

BSHOP.

Hello!

I'm talking a bit about my trip at the Bridge Street House of Prayer tonight at 8:00.

We're meeting at the Pavillion across the street from the house.

You can also go at 7:00 for some fellowship and prayer.

1055 Bridge Street, Grand Rapids

Click here for a map.

Hope to see you there!

home. for a bit, at least.

Sorry about the lack of update. Somehow I got so caught up in traveling the globe that I couldn't find time to sit down and write a few paragraphs. Funny how that happens.

I'll start where I left off. Kyiv.

The first few days were difficult for most of us, as our hearts were still with the kids in Albania, but instead of dwelling on that, we used it as inspiration to learn and do as much as we can about the counter-trafficking movement. The first week we were there we met with IOM (International Organization of Migration). We learned more about trafficking and aftercare facilities, and gained some contacts for future use. Then the planning began. We wanted to do something out of the box - something more than just handing out anti-trafficking leaflets. After stirring together all of our brainpower and creativity that only comes from the Lord, an installation art project was in the making. The art piece was a large walk-through structure that took you through the cycle of abuse and sexual slavery. Click here for a video that Christina Bender made that explains more about the art piece. Only by the grace of the Lord, we got a permit to display it right in front of City Hall. About 1,000 people walked through within the two days it was set up.

Reactions from the public were mixed: angry, surprised, upset, convicted, confused, and thankful. Some were ashamed, yet thankful, that foreigners had to come into their country to tell them about an issue so huge. On the other side of the spectrum, we were asked how we had the nerve to do such a thing.

The ignorance (naivety, maybe?) of the general public wasn't necessarily shocking, but a little disheartening. Some had never heard of the issue, others were in denial, others thought it would never happen on their own land. But instead of being discouraged, I'm excited to keep doing stuff like this. Who knows... maybe Grand Rapids will soon be seeing an art installation piece...

Now I'm back in 'Merica.

Not much to say about it, other than leaving the other DTS students and leaders (and the environment in general) hasn't been easy. But, I really have missed Grand Rapids. This is a good city.

As for what is next... I don't know. And I kind of like not knowing.

So God,

where next?

An update...

COMING SOON.

stealing internet.

We've made it to Kiev.

I'm basically living out my dream at age 18.

Two years ago I had a dream that I was making a movie to raise awareness of human trafficking and expose the horrors of the reality of it. And guess what we're doing this month in Kiev?

Just that.

God is good.

ezekiel 34.

Since internet time either costs money or is cutting into my much needed nap time, I'll update with some snippits of an email I sent home about two weeks ago.

I'm loving it here. Culture shock is definitely setting in, but I'm handling it well. It's unreal. Pogradec is pretty undeveloped, compared to Grand Rapids, at least. I constantly feel like I'm going to step in donkey crap or in an uncovered manhole. There's dust everywhere. I shower like twice a day on average. And for me that's kind of a big deal.

I don't know if I told you what we're doing here, but we're helping out at a day camp with some of the kids that are at highest risk for being trafficked. It's... difficult. Not because they're bad kids, but because you never really know if they'll show up the next day because they might be shipped to Greece or not allowed to come because of abusive situations at home.

The kids have stolen my heart completely. Literally the minute I looked into their eyes I could feel my heart breaking. Through loving these kids I am getting glimpses of how God loves us. I've heard people say that God calls each one of us His favorite, but that never made sense to me because I viewed favorite as being able to have just one. But when I look at these kids I think, "You're my favorite!" Then I'll look at the next and feel my heart fill with even more love and think, "You're my favorite, too!". I never knew I was capable of loving so much. This love is coming from something so much greater than myself. I know that I couldn't do it on my own. Because with love comes pain. And leaving this kids will be painful.

Everything that I doubted about "short term missions" is gone. I have realized that some of these kids never get hugs, and if I can hug them for three weeks of their life to let them know that they're aren't repulsive, I'll do it. Even if that means getting headaches from their body odor... or getting lice.

We aren't building a well or a new school. We aren't guaranteeing these kids a safe life. We aren't taking away the bruises and scars all over their bodies. They're lives are still going to be crap after we leave. They'll still get beaten up at home. They may even be trafficked. But if I can let them know that they're special and worth it and love them with everything I have and all that I am just for these three weeks, I'll do it. Because they ARE worth it. I can't help but love them.

God is good.

God is so good.

and God is love.

i won't forget that.

60 second update.

I'm finally in Pogradec.
These kids stole my heart the moment I looked into their eyes.

There is
so
much
hope.

first time off the continent.

We're leaving tomorrow. Can't believe it.

:)

Our flights are pretty crazy. Amsterdam, Kiev, Budapest, then finally Albania's capital, Tirana, where we're staying for the night. Then we're heading to our final destination: Pogradec.

I don't know how often I'll be able to use the internet, but I'll try to update when I can.

But our DTS blog will be updated weekly by me and another team member.

Click here for that.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never foget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Oh, the places you'll go!

Dr. Seuss

relate.

If there's one thing that I will get out of this DTS, it's the relationships. Until now, I have never realized the true importance of relating with people on a a deep, vulnerable level. It's awkward, and sometimes painful, but we can't go through life without being real with other people.

Thank God for honesty.
And honest thoughts said with love.

THREE DAYS
until outreach.

It's taking us about four days to get to our final destination. But hey.

The miserable have no other medicine
But only
h o p e .
W.Shakespeare

research project.

hey,

i did this.

click here.

take a few minutes.

CLICK to watch this.

please.

then visit this site.

and while you're at it, watch the Nefarious trailer.

thanks.

halfway mark.

Maybe a summary of what I've been doing is appropriate... now that I'm halfway through my DTS.

For the past two and a half months, I have been being constantly fed. So much spiritual food! But my heart is still hungry. We started out learning about the character of God. As you can see in one of my previous entries, this was actually really challenging. I thought I had God completely figured out, but I haven't even skimmed the surface of His depth yet. At the same time it's frustrating, it's also comforting. I'm glad I love a God I can't fully understand.

Throughout the other weeks, forgiveness seems to be a constant message. Before this DTS, I have heard dozens of sermons and lectures on forgiveness, but I was never in the place to receive it. Now that my heart is open to hearing it, God's slamming it on me... but in a gentle, 'God' way. (:

I'm realizing how many fears I struggle with are rooted in unforgiveness. God is tenderly breaking down my pride and granting me grace to forgive. But even with that, it isn't easy. And it isn't quick. It's a process.

If there's one thing I can say about the environment here, it's that it's safe. There's so much trust flowing between everyone. Whenever I'm scared to take a leap, I hear God whisper, "You're safe here."

p.s. For those of you without Facebook, click here for some pictures. I need to get better about digitally documenting this time...

OUTREACH.

In the beginning of June, we're heading to Albania and staying there for a month. We'll be working with and ministering to kids that are at high risk for being trafficked. We're going to raise awareness. After Albania, we'll be in Ukraine for another month, most likely doing things of the same nature, but as time progresses we'll find out more.

I still need $2,600 for ground fees and airfare. I can't do this without you. At this point in my life, I have my time and energy to give towards furthering God's kingdom. By supporting me financially, we're creating a partnership. If you feel that you want to be a part of this outreach by supporting me financially, you can me at emodzeleski@gmail.com, send a Facebook message, or call me at (616)295-6278. If PayPal is easier, use that same email to transfer funds to my PayPal account.

I also want to ask for a few people who would be committed to faithfully supporting me in prayer during the two months I'll be in eastern Europe. If you feel called to this, please let me know. I want to be able to thank Yahweh Yireh for you specifically.

אדוני יספק

Yahweh Yireh. The Lord will provide.

this woman.

Where do I begin?

I sit here with a loss for words because I feel like nothing I say can sum up what this woman means to me. So I'll keep it simple.

Mom, thank you.

(I keep typing sentences here and deleting them because I can't get the point across well enough.) So... just... Thank you.

I love you.

"I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always.

As long as I'm living,

my baby you'll be."

progress.

Sometimes a breakdown

can be the beginning of a kind of

b r e a k t h r o u g h ,

a way of living in advance through a trauma

that prepares you for a future of

RADICAL TRANSFORMATION.

come baptize us.

My spirit is stirred whenever the fire of the Lord is brought up. In song, prayer, conversation. Everything in side me suddenly screams, YES.

Do we know what this means? Are we really willing to let Him consume us with a burning passion to live for nothing but His glory?

What else is there? Why wouldn't we?

John answered their questions by saying:

I baptize you with water; but someone is coming soon who is greater than I am—so much greater that I’m not even worthy to be his slave and untie the straps of his sandals.

He will baptize you with the

Holy Spirit

and with

F I R E.

the depths of the city.

There are no windows in this basement. Sometimes I forget there's a world out there.

I'm currently thanking the Lord for coffee shops and tea.

Sometimes I want to move to the country.

Far, far away from streets and cars and litter.

Where baseball stadiums don't exist

and artificial lighting isn't used outdoors.

process.

I find extreme comfort in step by step instructions, lists, to-do's, manuals. As much as I would like to say I am a free-thinker who can figure things out by myself, I don't like not knowing what is next or having a definite way of going about something. Thanks, DTS. You're messing with every comfort zone, every boundary I have set for myself, and every wall I have put up.

Although I sometimes wish it did, the heart doesn't change in an instant. It takes a series of events, thoughts, prayers, and victories. Specifically, forgiving. Our speaker last week brought up that the Westerner's mindset seems to think that we need to heal in order to forgive, when in reality, healing can't take place until the process of forgiveness starts. Being someone who likes to base most things off of my emotions, that's a really tough thing to take in. I've always thought that I would start forgiving people when I felt like it. I've been awakened to the fact that I probably won't ever "feel like it".

So Lord, I'm gonna need your help on this one.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

oh, what love!

You have called me beautiful

when I looked with disgust at myself.

You gently shook me

until the chains fell one by one.

Your light burst forth

as darkness overcame me.

Your truth kissed the wounds

where the lies cut deep.

When I said "worthless,"

You called me Your own.

When I fell faint,

You fought for me.

When I felt abandoned,

You said you have never forgotten me.

When I covered my face in shame,

You said, "Look to me, Beloved."

Death has lost his hold on me as I cling to my First Love.

What other love is as good, as true as this?

It cannot be contained.

All for Jesus.

they say ignorance is bliss.

I must agree.

My foundations are being rocked and shaken. I'm frustrated, confused, and really excited. Though I don't understand or even agree with everything I've been trying to absorb from the speaker, Olu, and even other students, I do understand that it's important to take time to think about these things (I won't go into detail about what kinds of things right now, as I'm still processing them).

I'm frustrated because I feel as though I'm a "bad Christian" for having doubts. I have been raised in a society where you believe what you believe simply because you do... if that makes sense. This is the first time I've been told it's okay to doubt my faith and some aspects that come along with it. I have had the mindset my whole life that doubting is simply a "lack of faith". I'm starting to realize that doubting or questioning something is critical to strengthening my faith. Absolutely critical. If I were to take everything I have been fed my whole life without asking "Why?", I could consider myself nothing more than a Christian robot. For those reading this, I want to challenge you to ask yourself why you believe what you do. Whether you believe that God is all powerful and all good; whether you believe God is simply an idea; or whether you believe there is no god. Just ask yourself WHY you believe it.

My confusion comes from the fact that I have been asked questions about my faith, God's character, and life in general that I never would have thought to ask myself. That being said, I also don't know the answers. I'm still digesting everything.

But all of this is so exciting. Even through the irritation of being so challenged, I am thrilled to know that this is God working in my heart; refining, strengthening, and loving me. One thing I do know for sure is that God is good. He is so good.

All for Jesus.

I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining.

I believe in love even when I am alone.

I believe in God even when He is silent.

"I am the Lord of the Dance," said he.

Everything is so new! The culture, not so much... I have found Port Credit is kind of like Comstock Park and Cadillac's lovechild; somewhat quaint with an abundance of boutiques, with a very personal feel.

Yesterday we went to a small church with a congregation of no more than one hundred, 70% at the least being over 60 years of age. Aaaaaadorable! So, so precious. How many times have you been greeted at the door of a church with a hug and gummy bear? The worship was very simple, but extremely genuine. Everyone seemed to love and know each other so well. The people there were so excited for our YWAM group and really encouraging.

Oh, and we rode a train to church...

Today was the first day of class, but it was more of an orientation type thing. We talked about the heart of our DTS and how I.net started. Then we had cheesy team bonding time games. It's so weird because I feel like I've known these people my entire life, but we haven't even scratched the surface yet. It's hard to explain, but I am already feeling challenged. Not necessarily in my relationship with God and others, but with myself. Because there are people from all different types of cultures, they want to know about mine too. Today Wouter, from the Netherlands, asked me if I enjoyed living in America. This may seem like an easy question to answer but it really took a lot of thought. So I guess what I'm saying is that I have been having to just think more. I'm loving it!

Tonight Pearl, from the UK, and I had dinner duty, but everyone we were supposed to cook for was gone so we went out to eat. But who would have thought you had to be at least 21 to eat almost ANYWHERE on the main street?? It was so ridiculous. Our options were limited to pizza and Quiznos. But theeen we found Ten. It looked promising, but a bit pricey. We decided to "give it a go" and upon entering Pearl asked "Do you have to be like 25 to eat here? We're just starving!" The host laughed and brought us to a table. But... it was dark. Literally lit by candlelight and extremely dim globe lightbulbs. We couldn't really pronounce anything on the menu so we both decided to get the same kind of pizza. Then we couldn't resist the "One of Everything" dessert platter. It beats beef stir fry, which is what everyone had back at the apartments.

Also, the mystery of the missing room 309 key has been solved. It was in my purse for the past two days. Sorry, Sue.

All for Jesus.

Dance then, wherever you may be
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!
And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be
And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He

I'M HERE.

Finally here. My room mates are adorable and I already love my leaders. Now we're making cookies and quiche, because we have too many eggs.

I brought too many things. Oops.

All for Jesus.

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.

Romans 14:1

C eh N eh D eh?

Hi friends!

Today is my last day in the country, but that doesn't mean we can't keep in touch.

Mailing address:
YWAM i.net
Emma Modzeleski
1880 Lakeshore Rd. W
Mississauga, ON
L5J 1J7 Canada

emodzeleski@gmail.com
616-295-6278

I'll still have my phone, but no texties.

P.S. Why didn't anyone warn me how hard goodbyes are? I'm gonna need prayer, friends.

All for Jesus.

i love my family.

This weekend Crossroads stuck me in the "Prayer Pit" and prayed for me at every service.
I just wanted to say how much I love those people and how much I'll miss that community while I'm gone. I'm feeling ten times more excited and encouraged now.

The message kinda slapped me in the face (in the best way possible. like, the Jesus way...) and I could've sat through it ten more times. Greg spoke on surrendering our WHOLE lives to the Lord. Really though, if I'm not living for the kingdom's cause, what else is there to live for? What else?? He brought up the point that, once we deny God, is there even anything else to go on living for?

So here I am. Scared and feeling extremely vulnerable, but so ready to give everything I have to my Savior. Simply because He loves me.

All for Jesus.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
"Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?"
"Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?"
For from him and through him and to him are all things.

To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 11:32-12:2

this post is for chelspea rae.

Because she made my blog her homepage.

I love you, and I will miss all of your cat posts on my facebook wall.

p.s. one week from tomorrow and i'm gone!

almost!

Eleven days until I'm outta the country!

My open house was on the 28th and was pretty overwhelming... but in a good way. My eyes were opened to how good and faithful God is when he says he'll provide. There are so many good people in this world. I forget that too much. Thank you to everyone who came. It truly meant so much. I kept tearing up while reading the cards.

I have reached the half-way mark of my financial needs. God has been so faithful in providing. If you can support me financially, you can email me at emodzeleski@gmail.com.


All for Jesus.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."
Isaiah 61:1-3

one more month.

I've never really had a blog before, unless you want to count Xanga, but I thought I'd make one to make it easier for me to update everyone while I'm off in foreign lands.

I just got my acceptance letter to YWAM and things are finally starting to set in and become a reality. I'm getting a little nervous but am also constantly reminded that this is what God has set up for me for the next several months. Pray that I will have complete peace about it! Also, if you can and are interested in supporting me financially and/or through prayer, please let me know. You can email me at emodzeleski@gmail.com.

My DTS starts on March 22 so I'll probably leave a couple days before that. I guess that's pretty much all for now and probably won't have much to update you on until it gets closer to the end of March.

Click on this for more information on what I'll be doing.

All for Jesus.

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

John 17:20-24